confirmation of subscription to your paper

in response to -ahem- overwhelming demand for your paper (you know my paper? now this is YOUR paper), i have decided to start charging my beloved readers, very much in line with the current socio-economic climate. after all, why be the one getting charged with every little thing when you can charge others instead?

anyway for those interested, please read the following important terms and conditions:

1. the editor (that is me) accepts no responsibility for cases in which readers get the boot from their bosses, literally or not, due to addiction to your paper. so dont come asking me for compensation if you do not notice the boss behind you. a little piece of advice: have a mirror next to your monitor.

2. however, unfair as it may seems, readers are liable for any damage cost incurred as a result of the sacking of the editor from his job at ulu boon lay due to excessive time spent on reporting. it would work out to be $1300 per month until may - $950 to the editor's bank account, $250 to the editor's cpf account, $50 in gst, $30 in service tax and $20 to the community chest. thank you for your support.

3. your paper is a revoluntionary paper. it has a meaningful name for starters (think: lianhe zaobao and lianhe wanbao), but of course its uniqueness lies in its connection to readers. here is how your paper works: readers with gossipy news (like the one on kaiyang) start a conversation with the editor on msn, the editor acknowledges without giving out ntuc vouchers or free samsung phones and you will see your report in no time. that is why i call myself the editor, not reporter because i dont report. i collect information and broadcast it. well it is your paper after all!

4. do not spam the editor's mailbox, be it news or not. strictly no substitution of subscription fees with enticing offers of free sony ericsson phones or cold hard cash.

5. do not report news in stanzas and paragraphs of rhymes. even if you are, please make it a bit harder to guess. but i wont accept it anyway.

that is all for now. please bear in mind that the terms and conditions are subject to volatile changes, like the current petrol prices. as for the subscription fee, readers can choose between weekly, monthly or yearly payments - a weekly treat to kfc, a monthly treat to dintaifung or a yearly treat to an epl match at goodison park.

oh yes, good news whose birthday fall in january. if you confirm your subscription within this month, you get a free gift! you get to choose between the lovely anthrex condom or the manly t-rex condom, absolutely free! it is the editor's way of rewarding the early babies. hurry on now, place your orders to get the condoms before it is too late! its not overrr...

cheers,